I’m finding it really difficult to come up with ideas or to get motivated to do things.
I have a list of things I should do, from the major projects I’m currently involved in, making a gate and railing for a private commission, to a totally new making of some bells, to the designing and making of something for my dad’s 70th birthday, to personal projects, collaborative projects, things that have been brewing at the back of my mind for years (what about a book that had a single line that ran the whole way through from one end to the other). But instead I have mainly been sitting reading, watching some telly, scrolling on my phone, looking at and getting depressed by other people’s instagrams.
For the last year and a half I have been redoing my flat, and in any breaks between work, or any evenings with no plans that’s how I have filled my time. There are endless walls to paint, picture rails to put up or things to fix so it has been a brilliant time sucking black hole. But I’m coming to the end of it, and I feel like nothing that I need to do can fill the mindlessness of it, everything I need to do will require so much concentration and I seem to be only able to give fifty percent of my brain right now.
I’m not sure how much of this is caused by Covid and the lockdown, or by winter and its dark and cold evenings, or if it’s something else. The lockdown has affected so many people more than it has me, I know how lucky I am to have a workspace on my own, so I have been able to use it whenever I need, and it’s so close to where I live so I can get there any time I want. I live with my boyfriend so have company, and I own my flat so I’m not worried about housing. The amount of time people have been spending in their homes and gardens has led to an increase in people wanting to improve their spaces, so I have done well for work, and I have been able to do some of my own sculptural work on the side.
However, I am so stuck in my evenings for things to do that an inertia is creeping into my work too. I made my hobby of art and making into my job, and I haven’t managed to find a hobby that isn’t hiking or swimming (difficult in the winter snows and we’re currently only allowed to go 5 miles), or hanging out with friends (not really allowed right now) or seeing bands (definitely not allowed). And there are only so many massive meals you can cook when it’s only the two of us eating.